Although I decided very early on that I'd do whatever it took to stay at home with my children, I found myself strongly defending the working mother yesterday. Sure, it IS a choice - but for most it's a choice between impoverished (by American standards) living and getting by ok.
It's seems my generation is set up to fail, financially, from the get-go:
- Lack of financial education We are NOT educated about financial matters in our school systems anywhere, unless you choose an optional money management class while in college (when it's already late in the game).
In fact, my Mother-in-law told me how her kindergartener is
already being taught to live on credit! He was sent to school with a bagged lunch, and no money to buy a hot lunch. It being his first experience with school lunch, he didn't really understand how it worked, and got in line for the pizza and chocolate milk on the menu at school. They gave him the food, and simply charged it! They just assign the kids numbers and charge the meals, sending the bill home to Mom and Dad. It's teaching kids to live on credit from the beginning. My MIL must write letters to the school saying that her children are NOT allowed to charge their meals, yet she still gets bills sometimes. (With no way for her to monitor what's really being purchased, or who's really doing the charging.)
Bad deal.
- Cost of educationThe cost of higher education is just going up and up, with federal aid being cut, and student loan interest rates going up. Those with parents not helping financially (for whatever reason) are finding it next to impossible to leave college without debt.
Take my own case, for example. After high school, I didn't go directly to college because I couldn't afford it. For a year, I worked three jobs and saved almost every penny. I got a full-ride scholarship to a community college, and went there for my first two years. During my second year, I worked as an RA- again saving most every penny I could. I didn't expect to be able to go on to my bachelor's right away, because nowhere in state had the major I wanted, and out-of-state tuition seemed too high. Then, I was offered a very generous scholarship (my 3.9 GPA helped) to Washington State University. I immediately called WSU's housing department to get interviewed to be an RA (
free room & board is a great deal) and was offered a position. I figured between the scholarship, the job, and my savings that I would be able to afford it. Well, between the cost of tuition raising every term (at a higher rate for out-of-state students) but my scholarship and wages remaining fixed, strict standards for being able to gain state residency (hopeless), and unexpected fees,
I was out of money in one year. Cash flow was GONE.
University of Idaho, just a few miles away, was willing to let me pay in-state rates - and I figured it would be less expensive there even without the help of scholarships and paying my own room and board. (Of course, with yet another transfer there were requirement changes that tacked on more time at school, meaning more money.) I got a new job, applied for scholarships, and nervously took out my first loan. By my fifth year of school, I was finally old enough that I didn't have to report my parents income on the FASFA (not that my parents paid any of my tuition in the previous years) and I qualified for a small grant. With all that, I graduated with $12,000 in student loan debt, which didn't seem bad to me at all. I consolidated right away to lock in a low interest rate (less than 3%) and paid as much as I could each month. Unfortunately, my career path was one of non-profit work - and my income was not big enough to really take a huge bite out of my loan. I still have more than half of it to pay off, which isn't too bad, I guess, for having been out of school three years now.
- Predatory LendingI don't recall a day in college where there wasn't a booth or a mailing somewhere offering me a credit card. My parents had always instilled a "don't live on credit" philosophy in us, so it was easy enough for me to resist the temptation. But then, I got really low on money and was concerned about my ability to pay bills. I got a credit card for "just in case." (I chose it based on the 0% APR, and the cool Van Gogh design.) I used my card to buy things online because it was more secure than my debit card, but never carried a balance. Among my peers, I was an exception. I was one of the last I knew to get a card, and most people I knew DID live on credit. "We're young. We're supposed to have fun," was their reasoning. One guy I knew racked up $10,000 in credit card debt in his first year of school. And he was just one who told me about it. I never even noticed if he had any nice "stuff."
- Health Care I was dangerously and stupidly without health insurance for a while. In my mind I couldn't afford it. I did get sick frequently, and have daily medications I have to take. Doctor bills really add up! When I did buy the student health insurance, I still had to pay full price for my meds, and all the copays for doctors visits, plus whatever else insurance wouldn't cover. I ended up paying more in health related expenses after I was insured than I had before. Fortunately, I never did have an emergency while in college, and that would have made a big difference. Besides tuition, medical spending was definitely my biggest money eater through college.
- Gettin' hitched ain't freeSo Erik and I were married in a very low-key nontraditional way, at close to no cost. But that's not the price tag I'm talking about. It's good that Erik and I are both frugal, and consumer-debt free, but he also had student loans - and not at the same low fixed rate I did. We worked hard and fast at getting rid of that debt, but still it was there.
- Makin' babies ain't freeWell... maybe making them is, but birthing them certainly is not. Because insurance rates are so high, many employers are offering less and less health benefits. If you were paying for the whole birth, insurance free (a very bad idea), the least expensive route (besides attempting to keep the whole thing a secret, never seeing a doctor, and birthing in a back alley somewhere) is a midwife - which averages around $3,000-$4,000. Don't even think about a hospital birth without insurance! With insurance, you'll still probably be paying a few
thousand dollars out of pocket for a birth.
- Competing for a homeWhen women entered the paid working world, they doubled (well, increased anyway) the income of their homes. But, the housing market is based on what people will compete for and are willing to pay. So, when people's buying power doubled - so did the cost of homes. It's not anywhere close to the same story it was for my parents buying their first home, or their parents. Read "Two Income Trap" for a more complete picture.
- The rules have changedSome of us did have great financial examples in our parents. Unfortunately, due to everything listed above, you can't "just not worry about it" and "get by" these days. Yes, the basics are still the same (spend less than you earn, etc.) but the vigilance it takes to live by those rules has increased. If you do get by, there's still a huge lack of safety net if one member of a two-income home loses a job and can't go back to work. Job stability ain't what it used to be. Retirement and health benefits ain't what they used to be. And because of incresed life spans (and the medical costs often associated with it) inheritances ain't what they used to be.
So, although Erik and I both have college degrees, they are only a small advantage due to the fact that neither of us pursued high-income career paths. Had we been in the same relative financial position a generation ago, me staying at home and us buying a house would be a relatively easy option.
Also-As far as working mothers go; anciently, mothers have always worked - only recently have they not been allowed to take their children with them to work or have their children work along side them, and THAT makes a big social difference. I would actually love to work a paying job again, but only if I could bring Jasper with me, and finding somewhere like that is unlikely.
